Clarify the direction you’re being pulled toward by mapping what attracts you now and what you want next, using a proven coaching prompt.
What are you drawn toward right now — not what you think you should want, but what actually has your attention?
A marketing director at a tech firm can describe exactly what she wants in the next three years. She's thoughtful, ambitious, and action-oriented. But when asked what she's already built toward those aims, she draws a blank. Her attention lives almost entirely in the future.
Frame the left column as the diagnostic half. 'Before we touch what you want, let's take 10 minutes on what you've already created - relationships, circumstances, things you chose even if you didn't plan them. The right column is easy for you. The left one is where the real information is.' She may push back. Let her feel the resistance, then ask her to try.
Left columns that are sparse compared to detailed right columns - this is the primary diagnostic signal. The imbalance usually means the client is living in aspiration rather than inventory. Watch also for left-column entries that are all career or professional and nothing personal - it often signals that the 'built life' is being defined narrowly. Push gently for the full picture.
Start by asking her to read the left column aloud. Then: 'What's on this list that you didn't realize you'd built?' That question often produces the most useful response - the things she takes for granted. Then look across both columns: 'Where does the right column build directly on something already in the left?' That connection point is the highest-confidence starting place.
A client whose left column is genuinely empty after a full attempt - not avoidance, but actual inability to name what she has created - may be carrying a scarcity narrative that precedes the goal work. Severity: low. Name the observation without pressure: 'This column is feeling harder than the right one. What's that like to notice?'
A VP of Operations senses something shifting in his priorities but can't articulate it. He keeps mentioning projects and relationships outside his core role, but dismisses them as distractions. He describes a vague pull toward something different without being able to say what it is.
Don't call this a goal-setting exercise. 'This one is less about what you're planning and more about what's been drawing your attention. The left column is things you've created - including by accident. The right column is what you notice yourself wanting, even the things you've been dismissing. Let them both be honest rather than strategic.'
Right-column entries that are vague ('more balance,' 'something more meaningful') while left-column entries are specific and concrete. The vagueness in the right column often reflects legitimate uncertainty rather than avoidance - but it can also reflect self-censorship. Ask what he's not writing. Watch also for strong entries in both columns that have no overlap - that gap may be what the session is about.
After he's completed both columns: 'What's on the right side that you've been explaining away as unrealistic or not for you?' That question targets the self-edited desires. Then: 'Looking at the left column - what pattern do you see in what you create? What does it suggest about what you're drawn toward?' The left column becomes evidence for reading the right one.
A client whose right column is entirely professional - no personal items, no relational items - while the context suggests significant personal restlessness may be compartmentalizing. Severity: low. Don't push in the session, but note it: 'I notice the right column is all work-related. Is that the full picture for you right now?'
A nonprofit director is considering whether to leave her role after eight years. She's thinking forward - new sectors, new possibilities - but hasn't done the accounting of what she's built, what matters to her, or what she actually wants in the next chapter beyond 'something different.'
Introduce this before any forward planning. 'Before we look at what's next, let's spend some time on what you've built. Eight years is substantial. The left column is an inventory - everything you've created, attracted, or made real in that time. The right column stays blank until the left is full.' The instruction to fill left before right is literal here.
Right columns that are written as negatives of the current situation ('not a 9-to-5,' 'not managing up constantly') rather than positive descriptions of what she wants. Negative specifications are easier to generate but less actionable. They need to be translated: 'What would that look like in practice?' Watch also for the left column to undercount relational assets - the people, networks, and trust she's built.
Ask her to read the left column first. Then: 'If someone read this list without knowing you, what would they conclude about who you are and what you build?' That outside-perspective question often surfaces identity threads she hasn't named. Then: 'What in the right column is an extension of something already in the left?' That's the continuity thread - useful for a transition that builds on, rather than escapes, what's already been created.
A client who cannot generate right-column content despite real desire for change may be operating under a constraint she hasn't named - a belief that what she wants isn't available to her, or that wanting it directly is risky. Severity: low to moderate. Don't diagnose the constraint in session; ask: 'What would you put there if you knew it was actually possible?'
I feel stuck in the day-to-day and I've lost sight of what I actually want my life to look like
LifeMy client feels like life is passing by without them living it intentionally
LifeA client who has trouble envisioning what they actually want rather than what they don't want
