Quickly find accurate words for what you feel when “fine” or “stressed” isn’t enough, using an ADHD‑informed emotion list coaches rely on.
Before we talk about what happened this week, take a look at this - it's a vocabulary reference for emotions. Sometimes it's easier to find the right word when you can see the options.
A senior software engineer recently promoted to technical lead finds themselves having intense reactions during code reviews but can only describe feeling 'frustrated' or 'annoyed.' Their manager suggested coaching after the client snapped at a junior developer over what they later recognized was a minor issue.
Frame this as debugging emotional code, not therapy. 'You troubleshoot systems by getting specific about error types. Same principle here - we need precise language for what you're experiencing before we can address it.' Most technical people resist emotional vocabulary as 'soft skills' until you connect it to problem-solving methodology they already use.
Technical clients often gravitate toward anger and frustration columns exclusively, avoiding anything that sounds vulnerable. If they skip happiness or surprise entirely, they may be filtering emotions through a 'professional' lens. Watch for dismissive comments about certain words being 'too touchy-feely' - that's where their growth edge lives.
Start with the words they avoided entirely. 'You didn't mark anything in the happiness column. What would need to be true for you to feel enthusiasm during a code review?' Then connect specific emotions to specific triggers: 'When you marked exasperation, what was the developer doing that moved you past frustration?'
If the client can only access anger-family emotions and dismisses all others as irrelevant to work, this may signal alexithymia or emotional suppression patterns that go beyond vocabulary. Severity: moderate. Response: continue coaching but explore whether they experience emotional variety outside work contexts.
A marketing director with ADHD reports that emotions hit 'like a freight train' during important presentations, leaving them unable to think clearly. They describe everything as 'overwhelming' or 'intense' and want to develop better emotional regulation for executive presence.
Position this as an early warning system. 'Right now you're getting a fire alarm when you need a smoke detector. This reference helps you catch emotions while they're still manageable.' ADHD brains often experience emotional intensity before awareness - having precise language creates a split-second of cognitive space that can prevent flooding.
ADHD clients may jump between multiple emotion words rapidly or insist several apply simultaneously. This isn't indecision - it's accurate reporting of how quickly their emotional state shifts. If they mark everything as 'intense' regardless of the specific emotion, they're still in overwhelm mode rather than differentiation mode.
Focus on the sequence, not the intensity. 'Walk me through what you marked in order. What emotion showed up first?' Help them identify the earliest signal in their emotional cascade. The question that opens this up: 'If you could catch this feeling 30 seconds earlier, what would you call it then?'
If the client reports no emotional awareness until they're already flooded, or if they describe emotions as purely physical sensations with no cognitive component, this may indicate significant emotional dysregulation requiring additional support. Severity: moderate. Response: continue coaching while exploring whether they have strategies that work in lower-stakes situations.
An operations manager realizes through initial coaching conversations that what they've been calling 'anger' at their team's missed deadlines might actually be something else. They're surprised to find they feel physically agitated but not actually mad, and want to understand what's really happening.
Frame this as calibration, not correction. 'You've been using the tools you had. Now we're upgrading your diagnostic precision.' Many people learn early that anger is more acceptable than anxiety in workplace contexts, so they unconsciously relabel. This isn't about being wrong - it's about having better options.
Watch for relief when they find words that fit better, followed immediately by concern about what this means for how they've been handling situations. They may want to revisit every recent interaction through this new lens. That's analysis avoidance - keep them focused on current awareness, not past revision.
Start with the physical sensation difference. 'When you look at worry versus irritation, what do you notice in your body?' Then move to behavioral implications: 'If this is actually anxiety about deadlines rather than anger at people, what would you do differently?' The distinction changes the intervention completely.
If the client has been consistently mislabeling emotions for years and reports this pattern across multiple life areas, explore whether this was adaptive behavior learned in a context where certain emotions weren't safe to express. Severity: low. Response: continue coaching, but note the pattern for potential deeper exploration.
A VP of Finance is leading her team through a company merger and finds that her usual approach of staying 'neutral' isn't working. Team members are having strong reactions she can't read accurately, and she wants to develop better emotional intelligence for these high-stakes conversations.
Position this as a leadership diagnostic tool. 'You read financial data with precision because approximations create risk. Same principle applies to reading the room - you need specific language for what you're observing in others and experiencing yourself.' Frame emotional vocabulary as risk management, not relationship building.
Finance leaders often treat this as an intellectual exercise rather than personal awareness work. If they focus exclusively on naming others' emotions while avoiding their own, redirect to self-awareness first. You can't read what you can't recognize in yourself. Watch for resistance to acknowledging their own uncertainty or fear during the merger.
Start with their own emotional experience of leading through uncertainty, then connect to team dynamics. 'When you marked apprehension about the merger timeline, what were you noticing in your team meetings that same week?' Help them see the connection between their emotional state and their ability to create psychological safety for others.
If the client insists they don't experience emotions during work situations or describes emotions as 'unprofessional,' this may indicate over-identification with a stoic leadership persona that limits their effectiveness. Severity: low. Response: continue coaching, emphasizing emotional awareness as a business skill rather than personal development.
A client who's been avoiding a conversation they know they need to have
RelationshipsA leader who's been told they come across as dismissive even when they're trying to be helpful
ADHDA client's anger expression is damaging relationships at work or at home
