Managing Anxiety: A Behavioral Mapping Worksheet

A manager has been asked to present quarterly results to the executive team for the first time. They have the content but describe feeling paralyzed when they try to prepare. The anxiety is diffuse - they can't articulate exactly what they're worried about, which makes it harder to address. Previous prep sessions have produced minimal progress.

Position this as a behavior map, not a feelings exercise. 'The anxiety doesn't go away by thinking about it differently. Let's look at what you're doing that's making it worse, and what you could be doing that would help - both specifically, for this presentation.' Write the specific goal at the top together before handing over the worksheet. 'Not 'feel less anxious' - what's the outcome that would tell you this went well?' Starting bottom-up often works better with clients who are in activation: begin with 'Do more of' and 'Start Doing' before moving to the avoidance rows.

The 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row is the most informative here. Vague entries like 'stop worrying' or 'stop overthinking' indicate the client hasn't yet named the specific behavior. Push for something observable: 'What are you literally not doing that you're steering around?' Watch also whether the 'Keep Doing' row stays empty - clients who believe everything they're currently doing is part of the problem often miss what's already working. If the row is empty, ask directly: 'What have you done in the last week that helped, even slightly?'

Start with the goal at the top. Ask: 'Does your behavioral map actually connect to this goal, or did you drift into general anxiety management?' Then move to the 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row - not to discuss each item, but to identify which one has the most leverage. 'If you addressed this one behavior this week, what would be different by Friday?' Close by looking for contradictions between 'Start Doing' and 'Keep Doing' - items that require the same time or capacity create a planning conflict worth naming before the next session.

A director has been avoiding a direct performance conversation for three months. The avoidance is costing the team - others are covering for the underperformer. The director can describe the situation clearly but becomes anxious when they think about having the conversation. They've identified the conversation as a goal but haven't moved toward it.

Anchor this to the specific conversation, not to managing performance generally. 'Write 'have the performance conversation with [name] before [date]' at the top. Not the broader goal of managing the situation - that specific conversation.' Some clients in this position resist writing a specific date because it creates accountability. Name it: 'The goal needs a deadline or it will keep sliding. What's the latest date this can happen?' Once the goal is written, work through the rows together in session rather than sending as homework - the avoidance pattern tends to extend to the worksheet itself.

The 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row almost always reveals the real obstacle. Watch for entries like 'stop researching how to have difficult conversations' or 'stop waiting until the right moment' - these are avoidance behaviors disguised as preparation. Also watch the 'Keep Doing' row: clients who put reasonable management behaviors in 'Stop Doing' may be using the worksheet to talk themselves out of their current approach rather than into the conversation. The 'Start Doing' row should contain at least one item that looks like the actual conversation, not just preparation for it.

Start with the 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row. Ask them to read each entry and identify which one has been active the longest. That item is usually the core avoidance. Then move to 'Start Doing': 'What on this list would make the conversation happen, specifically this week?' If no item on the 'Start Doing' list actually initiates the conversation, the worksheet has mapped around the goal rather than toward it. Close by asking: 'What would you be able to say about this situation in your next session if you followed what you've written here?'

A leader was recently promoted into a role at a significantly larger scope - more stakeholders, bigger budget, broader cross-functional dependencies. They describe feeling perpetually behind and anxious about not knowing what they don't know. The anxiety is real but diffuse, and they've been trying to address it through working longer hours, which is compounding it.

Write the goal as the one thing that, if addressed, would reduce the anxiety most in the next 30 days. Help the client get specific before starting the rows - 'feel more in control' is too broad; 'have a working stakeholder map and first conversations scheduled with each key stakeholder by March 31st' is a goal the worksheet can respond to. Position the behavioral map as a way to see what they're doing that's making the overwhelm worse, which the client may not see because they're inside it.

The 'Do Less Of' row is often the most important here. Clients who are anxious about not knowing enough tend to consume rather than prioritize - they read everything, attend every meeting, seek out every piece of context. Watch whether 'Do Less Of' entries are specific or vague. 'Do less of everything' means the client is overwhelmed but hasn't yet identified which activities are actually low-leverage. Also watch the 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row for behaviors that look like avoidance of the harder work of building relationships: over-reliance on written communication, delaying one-on-ones, not raising questions in meetings.

Start by asking them to look at the full map and identify which row has the most entries. That row is where their attention has been concentrated. Then ask: 'Which item in 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' have you been doing the longest?' This is usually the avoidance that has been most costly. Close by connecting the map to their stated goal: 'Does what you've written here actually address the outcome at the top? Or has the map drifted to general anxiety management?' If it's drifted, note that as useful data and identify one item from 'Start Doing' that directly connects to the goal.

A professional was laid off eight months ago after 12 years at one company. They've been in a job search but describe anxiety that's making it difficult to be consistent. They apply when they feel ready, withdraw when they feel overwhelmed, and attribute the inconsistency to the unpredictable nature of job searching. The pattern is recognizable but hasn't shifted despite several coaching conversations about mindset.

Anchor this to a specific search outcome rather than the emotional state. 'Not 'feel less anxious about the search' - what's the concrete goal for the next four weeks? Three applications submitted, two conversations booked, first round interview secured?' Clients who have been in an extended search often resist specificity because specificity creates a target they can fail. Name that: 'Vague intentions have been running this search. A specific goal makes the behavioral map work.' Work through the rows together, starting with 'Do More Of' rather than 'Stop Doing' to generate forward momentum before surfacing avoidance.

Watch the 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' row carefully. For clients in an extended search, this row often contains the most specific behavioral data - they know exactly what they're avoiding (certain company sizes, leadership roles, outreach to former colleagues, video interviews). If the entries are vague ('stop avoiding the search'), push for specifics. Also watch for a mismatch between 'Start Doing' and 'Keep Doing' - clients sometimes put the same behavior in both, which means they can't tell whether it's working or not.

Start with the goal statement. After the rows are complete, ask: 'Does your behavioral map point toward this goal, or have you been solving for the anxiety rather than the search outcome?' Then identify the single 'Stop Doing / Avoiding' entry that would have the highest impact in the next two weeks. 'If you stopped doing this one thing, what would open up in your search?' Close by asking them to pick one specific 'Start Doing' item and schedule it before the next session.