Self-Care Energy Map

A director of operations with ADHD who runs on adrenaline and caffeine. Recently promoted, now managing three teams across time zones. Came to coaching because they're making mistakes they didn't make before - missing details, forgetting commitments. They think they need better systems.

Frame this as a reflective, not self-care advice. 'Before we build new systems, let's see what your current schedule is actually doing to your capacity.' some people often mistake depletion for laziness. Name that upfront: 'This isn't about working less - it's about seeing what refuels your focus versus what burns it.'

The fills column will be sparse or filled with 'shoulds' - meditation, exercise, sleep. The drains column fills quickly with meetings and deadlines. Watch completion time: if drains take 2 minutes and fills take 8, they're not accessing real data about what restores them. They're performing what they think restoration looks like.

Start with the ratio. Count the items in each column out loud. Then ask: 'When you look at your calendar for next week, what percentage is fills versus drains?' The gap between the two lists and their actual schedule is the conversation. Follow with: 'What's one fill you could protect this week without changing any meetings?'

VP of Marketing at a fast-growth startup. High performer who thrives on chaos and tight deadlines. Sought coaching for 'strategic thinking development' but mentions chronic Sunday anxiety and trouble sleeping. Believes self-care is for people who don't love what they do.

Don't use the word self-care. Frame as performance optimization: 'Even race cars need pit stops. This maps what keeps your engine running versus what burns fuel.' Expect resistance to the fills column - they'll say work energizes them. Push back gently: 'Work can energize and drain simultaneously. We're looking for what restores capacity, not just what you enjoy.'

They'll populate drains with external factors - difficult stakeholders, budget constraints - but resist naming work itself as draining. The fills column may be entirely work-related activities. Watch for perfectionism: if every item is precisely worded and categorized, they're managing the impression the tool creates rather than exploring honestly.

Start with what they put in fills that surprised them. Don't challenge work-as-energizer directly. Instead ask: 'You listed strategy sessions as filling. What makes those different from budget reviews?' Help them identify the specific elements within work that restore versus deplete. The nuance is more useful than the category.

CFO at a mid-size nonprofit, back from three-month medical leave for stress-related health issues. Previously worked 60+ hour weeks and prided themselves on availability. Now has doctor's orders to maintain boundaries but feels guilty saying no to requests that used to be automatic yes responses.

Frame as recalibration, not restriction. 'Your capacity changed - not permanently, but right now. This tool helps you see what builds capacity back versus what spends it down.' Acknowledge the guilt directly: 'Most people returning from leave feel like they should be grateful just to be back. That guilt can make it hard to see what you actually need.'

The drains column may be filled with guilt-inducing items - saying no, disappointing colleagues, not being available. Fills column might be sparse because they haven't given themselves permission to prioritize restoration. Watch for minimizing language: 'I guess this drains me a little' versus clear acknowledgment of impact.

Start with the guilt items in drains. Ask: 'What would happen if you moved some of these guilt-based drains to neutral?' Don't try to eliminate the guilt, but help them see it as information rather than instruction. Then move to fills: 'Which of these fills could you protect without asking anyone's permission?'

Engineering team lead at a software company, promoted from individual contributor six months ago. Excellent technical skills but struggling with people management. Came to coaching to improve delegation and team communication. Assumes the problem is lack of management training.

Position as a leadership energy audit. 'Before we work on delegation techniques, let's see what parts of leadership energize you versus what parts cost you.' Many new managers assume all people-work is draining because it's unfamiliar. This tool separates unfamiliarity from genuine energy mismatch.

They may put 'team meetings' in drains but be more specific about which team interactions drain versus energize. Watch for overgeneralization - 'people stuff' versus specific types of conversations. The fills column might be entirely technical work, which signals they haven't yet found the people-leadership activities that work with their wiring.

Focus on the specificity within team interactions. Ask: 'You listed team meetings as draining. What about one-on-ones?' Help them identify which people-leadership activities align with their strengths versus which feel like performance. Follow with: 'What's one type of team interaction you could do more of without it feeling like extra work?'