Boosting Your Confidence and Self-Esteem Through Coaching

TL;DR – Key Takeaways:

•Confidence is a skill: Even top executives can build confidence and self-esteem with practice and the right support. Coaching provides tools to reframe negative inner dialogue and overcome self-doubt.

•High-pressure leadership: In stressful situations, strong confidence helps leaders stay composed, decisive, and effective . Self-assured executives inspire trust and resilience in their teams.

•Imposter syndrome is common: Feeling like a fraud doesn’t mean you are one. 71% of CEOs have experienced imposter syndrome . Coaching helps leaders own their success and quiet that inner critic.

•Executive presence matters: How you carry yourself (voice, body language, mindset) influences others. Executive presence accounts for 26% of what gets leaders promoted , and it’s built on confident humility and authenticity.

•Outside perspective accelerates growth: A skilled coach (like those at Tandem Coaching) offers feedback, accountability, and strategies tailored to you – helping turn vulnerabilities into strengths faster than going it alone.

The Silent Struggle in the Corner Office (Hook)

At a high-stakes board meeting, a Fortune 500 CEO pauses mid-presentation. She’s grown her company by double digits, yet in that moment her stomach tightens with an all-too-familiar worry: “Am I really the right person to lead this?” Sound familiar? Even the most accomplished executives wrestle with self-doubt. In fact, a Korn Ferry study found 71% of U.S. CEOs experience symptoms of imposter syndrome in their role – meaning most leaders, at one point or another, secretly wonder if they’re not as capable as people think.

Why does this matter? Because confidence and self-esteem aren’t “nice-to-haves” for executive performance – they’re mission-critical, especially under pressure. When you doubt yourself in a crisis or high-pressure situation, it’s hard to make swift decisions or project calm. Conversely, a leader who believes in their own abilities can instill confidence in others and navigate storms more effectively. As one Harvard Business Review piece noted, many new CEOs underestimate the work it takes to build confidence in their leadership – yet doing so is crucial to effectively drive change . In other words, your confidence level can directly impact your ability to lead your organization through tough challenges or major transformations.

So how do seasoned executives strengthen their confidence and self-esteem? One powerful avenue is through executive coaching. A skilled coach can serve as a mirror and a guide, helping you identify blind spots in your thinking, challenge the limiting beliefs that sap your confidence, and replace them with habits of mind that reinforce your self-worth. The result isn’t just a warmer fuzzy feeling about yourself – it’s measurable improvement in leadership effectiveness. Research by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) found that the most common benefit reported from coaching is increased self-confidence, experienced by 80% of people who received coaching . In the C-suite context, that can mean more decisive decision-making, stronger executive presence, and better performance under pressure.

In the following sections, we’ll explore how executive coaching can boost your confidence and self-esteem in tangible ways. From reframing the toxic inner dialogue that undermines you, to overcoming imposter syndrome, to developing a commanding yet authentic executive presence, we’ll delve into core coaching insights and techniques. You’ll also see real examples of leaders who transformed their mindset, backed by research and actionable advice you can apply right away. Let’s unlock that confident leader within.

1. Reframing Your Inner Dialogue: From Critic to Coach

Every leader has an inner voice running in the background. Sometimes it’s helpful – planning talking points for a meeting or pumping you up for a big presentation. But often, especially for high-achievers, that inner voice turns into a harsh inner critic: “That client looked bored; your idea must have been terrible.” – “You stumbled on that answer; you’re not good at this.” This negative self-talk erodes your confidence from the inside, often without you even realizing it. Over time, it can become a mental soundtrack of self-doubt that holds you back from speaking up or taking risks.

Insight: The key is learning to reframe that inner dialogue so that it works for you, not against you. Instead of an inner critic, you cultivate an inner coach – a voice that is realistic but encouraging, challenging but supportive. This doesn’t mean deluding yourself with ego-boosting mantras. It means adjusting the way you talk to yourself so it’s constructive. For example, when a mistake happens, your inner critic might scream, “I really messed that up – I’m in over my head!” A reframed inner coach response would be, “Yes, that didn’t go as planned, but what can I learn from this misstep? I have the ability to improve.” As author and coach Harry Cohen notes, “Research shows that self-talk can be transformed into a tool for resilience and success.” In other words, by consciously directing your self-talk, you build mental resilience and confidence instead of tearing it down.

Executive Example: An SVP of marketing I once coached – let’s call him Dan – struggled with a ruthless inner critic. After any tough board meeting, his mind would fixate on the slightest fumble: a forgotten statistic, a less-than-perfect slide. He’d replay it for days, telling himself he wasn’t “strategic enough” for the C-suite. This constant mental browbeating made him hesitant in meetings; colleagues noticed he often prefaced ideas with self-deprecating comments, effectively undermining his own authority. Through coaching (using Tandem Coaching’s cognitive reframing techniques), Dan learned to catch those negative thoughts in the moment. We practiced a simple exercise: whenever a self-critical thought struck, he’d pause and reframe it as if advising a trusted colleague. For instance, “I’m not good at strategy” became “Strategy is a skill I can develop – I led a successful product launch last quarter, so I’m clearly capable.” By treating himself with the same empathy and perspective he’d give someone he mentors, Dan’s inner voice shifted from critic to coach over time.

Relevant Research: Psychology and leadership research back up this approach. A senior lecturer at MIT Sloan, Daena Giardella, emphasizes that managing your inner critic is a crucial leadership skill, especially during difficult, high-pressure moments . Why? Because an uncontrolled inner critic “diminishes our sense of trust and confidence, and amplifies feelings of shame and insecurities that undermine our confidence to take risks and trust our choices” . In short, negative self-talk puts us in a defensive shell, making us less effective leaders. The good news is that techniques like self-distancing (talking to yourself in the third person or by name) can significantly reduce the emotional bite of negative thoughts. Researchers like Ethan Kross have shown that saying, for example, “You’ve got this, [Your Name]” instead of “I can’t do this” helps you gain perspective and calm your nerves in the moment . It’s a small mental tweak that yields outsized benefits in clarity and confidence.

Actionable Advice: To reframe your inner dialogue, start by noticing and naming your inner critic. Pay attention this week to moments when your self-talk turns harsh or defeatist. Write down what that voice says – externalizing it robs it of some power. Next, practice challenging those statements. Ask: “Would I ever say this to a respected colleague or a friend? How would I rephrase it if I were giving them feedback?” By doing this, you create a more objective, supportive script. Another technique is the “letter method”: Write a short letter from your inner critic listing its fears and critiques, then write a compassionate response to it from your inner coach perspective. This helps integrate the two, so that your critical voice transforms into a constructive one. Over time, and with reinforcement (this is where a coach from Tandem Coaching can provide consistent feedback and reminders), you’ll find that your automatic thoughts in challenging situations become more balanced and confident. Instead of, “I’ll never be able to handle this,” you’ll hear, “This is tough, but you can figure it out.” That shift may seem subtle, but it’s incredibly powerful. It builds an unshakable internal foundation for confidence that no external crisis can easily erode.

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” – Henry Ford (reminding us that our mindset often determines our outcomes)

2. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Owning Your Success

Not long ago, a newly promoted CFO confided: “I keep expecting a tap on the shoulder telling me, ‘We’ve discovered you’re not actually qualified for this.’” This feeling – that deep down you’re not as capable or knowledgeable as others believe, and it’s just a matter of time before you’re exposed as a fraud – is known as impostor syndrome. And it’s astonishingly common among high achievers. A KPMG study of 750 high-performing female executives found that 75% had personally experienced imposter syndrome at certain points in their career . Similarly, Korn Ferry’s research shows imposter feelings aren’t limited by gender: again, about 70%+ of top executives, men and women alike, have felt like impostors on occasion . So if you’ve ever felt this way, you’re in very good company – from new managers to CEOs, many of the people you admire have privately fought the same self-doubts.

Insight: Imposter syndrome thrives in silence and secrecy. It often strikes during transitions – say you just got a big promotion, or you’re leading a critical new initiative. Outwardly, you’re successful. Inwardly, you attribute that success to luck, or timing, or fooling everyone, and you fear you won’t be able to replicate it. What’s important to recognize is that these thoughts are a distortion – a cognitive trap, not an objective truth. Coaching helps by bringing those distorted thoughts into the light and questioning them. One core insight is to start owning your success and abilities just as much as you own your imperfections. Imposter syndrome skews our perception: we internalize failures (blaming ourselves entirely) while externalizing success (“it was just a great market,” “anyone could have done that”). To break this pattern, you have to flip it back. That means deliberately acknowledging your role in your achievements. For example, if you landed a major client, yes timing and team effort mattered – but also reflect on how your relationship-building skills and strategic insight were key to making it happen. This isn’t bragging; it’s giving credit where it’s due – including to yourself.

Executive Example: Consider Maya Angelou, the legendary author, who once admitted: “I have written eleven books, but each time, I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’” If someone of her talent felt like an impostor, it shows how pervasive this phenomenon is. Now in a corporate setting, I worked with a VP of Operations – we’ll call him Sam – who exemplified this. Despite a solid track record, every time Sam received praise, he’d smile politely but internally dismiss it: “They’re just being nice.” When he made a minor mistake, however, he’d beat himself up for days and use it as “evidence” that he wasn’t competent enough. In coaching sessions (with Tandem Coaching), we used a technique of documenting wins: Sam had to keep a journal of accomplishments each week, no matter how small, and what strengths of his contributed to them. At first, he felt awkward, even arrogant, doing this. But over a couple of months, a shift occurred. Seeing pages of concrete successes – a process improvement he spearheaded, a deal he negotiated, positive feedback from peers – started training his brain to accept that he did earn his seat at the table. We also practiced responding to compliments with a simple “Thank you, I worked hard on that,” instead of deflecting. This verbal acceptance reinforced his internal acceptance. The next time the CEO commended him in a town hall for a successful project rollout, Sam didn’t internally cringe or wave it off; he absorbed it and let himself feel proud. That was a turning point – he began to feel he belonged in his role, imposter feelings and all.

Relevant Research: Psychology calls imposter syndrome a distortion, and tackling it often involves techniques similar to cognitive-behavioral therapy. One strategy is to literally talk about it – share your imposter feelings with a mentor, a coach, or a peer. Often, you’ll discover two things: first, that you’re not alone (others will say, “I feel that way too sometimes!”), and second, that voicing it takes away some of its power. In Sam’s case, when he finally confessed his imposter feelings to a trusted colleague, she was surprised because she saw him as highly competent – and then admitted she’d felt the same in her promotion. They ended up laughing about how each had been thinking the other was so confident, when underneath both had doubts. It was liberating for Sam to know this is a shared human experience, not a personal flaw.

From a coaching perspective, one of the most effective antidotes to impostor thinking is evidence. In coaching we often say, “Feelings are not facts.” So we gather facts: performance metrics, feedback, track records – the factual proof that undermines the “I’m not good enough” story. Over time, this consistent focus on reality over perception helps recalibrate your self-assessment. Remember, confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong. (That wise quote is attributed to Peter T. McIntyre.) When you truly embrace that, you allow yourself to step into big roles knowing you’ll learn as you go – you don’t have to already know everything. The irony is, the more you permit yourself to not know everything, the more confident and capable you actually become.

Actionable Advice: If imposter syndrome resonates with you, try these coaching-derived strategies:

•Normalize it: Remind yourself that many high-performers feel this way. (If 3 out of 4 executives have felt like impostors, it’s clearly not a sign of actual incompetence .) Sometimes just naming it – “Oh, this is impostor syndrome talking” – can help you create distance from the feeling.

•List your “wins” and strengths: Create a running list of accomplishments and personal strengths that contributed to them. Update it regularly. Before a big presentation or decision, review this list. It’s a powerful reality check that counters the fraud feelings with concrete evidence of your abilities.

•Reframe mistakes as growth: Impostor syndrome makes us fear mistakes as “exposure.” Flip that narrative. Decide that any time you don’t know something or slip up, it’s not proof of inadequacy – it’s an opportunity to learn or improve. This growth mindset approach robs impostor syndrome of its sting. As an example, if you get a question in a meeting you can’t answer, instead of feeling like a fake, say out loud: “That’s a great question. I don’t have the data on hand – let me follow up with you.” Executives with genuine confidence are comfortable acknowledging what they don’t know . As McKinsey’s experts on “authentic confidence” point out, true confidence is being “clear-eyed about your weaknesses… and comfortable with the uncertainty of new situations” .

•Seek feedback and mentorship: Proactively ask a few trusted colleagues or mentors what they see as your strengths and contributions. Often, others can see your “superpowers” more clearly than you see your own. Hearing it from them can validate you’re not an impostor – you’re valued for real reasons. (Plus, if there are areas to improve, you’ll hear that too in a constructive way, rather than letting your imagination run wild.)

Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate all self-doubt (a little doubt keeps us humble and striving), but to prevent self-doubt from paralyzing you. A good executive coach, such as those at Tandem Coaching, will often use a mix of these techniques, plus somatic work (body language, breathing) to help you internalize a sense of earned confidence. With practice, you can turn imposter syndrome from a stumbling block into a stepping stone – a signal that you’re growing into a new opportunity, not that you don’t deserve it.

3. Developing Executive Presence: Confidence You Can See and Hear

When a confident leader walks into a room, you can feel it. They may not be the tallest or the loudest, but something about their demeanor – the poise, the clarity in their voice, the way they listen and command attention – signals that they’re in charge (even if they aren’t the official boss). This is often referred to as executive presence, and it goes hand-in-hand with self-confidence and self-esteem. In essence, it’s the external projection of your internal confidence. And it matters: in a survey of senior executives, executive presence was found to account for 26% of what it takes to get promoted to leadership positions . That’s over a quarter of the promotion decision, coming down to not just what you do, but how you show up. Clearly, presence is more than superficial polish – it’s a critical leadership differentiator.

Consider how an executive who speaks with self-assurance and positive body language can command a room; their confidence becomes evident to everyone around the table. Presence is essentially confidence made visible. It’s in your tone of voice, your body language, your listening skills, and the way you handle both praise and criticism. One might describe it as “gravitas” or the quality of gravitating others toward you. However, executive presence is not about feigned bravado or dominating a discussion. In fact, true presence has a lot to do with humility and connection. A Forbes Coaches Council expert nicely pointed out that executive presence requires a deep sense of confidence tempered with humility and authenticity – it’s the balance of strength and warmth that enables a leader to connect and inspire. You want to project credibility and confidence (so people trust your leadership), while also projecting empathy and openness (so people feel respected and heard).

Insight: Executive presence can be developed deliberately. It’s a set of behaviors and mindsets that can be learned and practiced. Through coaching, executives often work on areas like vocal projection, posture, and clarity of message – the outward elements of presence – as well as the inner mindset that drives those outward signals. For example, if you internally believe “I have value to add here,” you’re more likely to sit up straight, speak firmly, and meet others’ eyes, compared to if you’re doubting yourself. Thus, building presence is partly an inside job (belief in yourself) and partly an outside job (skillful communication habits). Coaches will frequently use role-playing exercises: maybe practicing a board presentation or a tough conversation with a subordinate, and then providing feedback on not just what you said but how you said it. Did you mumble or speak too quickly (perhaps betraying nervousness)? Did you cross your arms or avoid eye contact (signaling defensiveness or insecurity)? These little things significantly affect how your message is received and how you are perceived. The good news is that with awareness and practice, you can change them.

Executive Example: Think of an executive – perhaps a CTO or General Manager – who is brilliant technically but struggles to get buy-in from others. Let’s say this person, Raj, often slouches in meetings, speaks very fast in a soft voice, and packs slides with too much detail. His ideas are great, but his presence isn’t conveying confidence – so his team and other stakeholders don’t fully rally behind him. In coaching, Raj worked on a few key adjustments. First, body language: we had him practice delivering part of his update while standing (even if in actual meetings he remained seated, the practice helped instill a habit of keeping an upright posture). We also used video feedback; Raj was surprised to see on playback that he rarely looked up from his notes. With some training, he learned to make eye contact intentionally, which created a stronger connection with his audience. Second, voice and pacing: by learning to pause and breathe, Raj began to speak more slowly and assertively. He started using a lower register and speaking from his diaphragm, which naturally added authority to his voice. Third, messaging: we coached him to distill his updates to three key points and lead with the conclusion (rather than burying it in minutiae). This made him come across as more organized and confident in his thinking. The transformation was noticeable – peers started commenting that Raj seemed “more like a leader” and appeared more confident and credible. What changed? Not his IQ or knowledge – just the way he presented himself. His executive presence caught up to his abilities.

Relevant Research: Sylvia Ann Hewlett, who studied executive presence, found it comprises three main components: gravitas (how you act), communication (how you speak), and appearance (how you look). Gravitas – confidence, decisiveness, integrity – was by far the most important in her research, accounting for the majority of executive presence. But communication mattered a lot too. The way you speak – with clarity, assertiveness, and a confident tone – strongly influences whether others perceive you as leadership material. This is one reason many coaches focus on communication skills as a route to boosting an executive’s self-esteem. When you learn to communicate more effectively and see the positive response, it creates a virtuous cycle: your confidence grows, which further enhances your presence. There’s also an interesting interplay: sometimes “acting” confident (through body language and tone) even when you don’t fully feel it yet can actually increase your internal confidence – a phenomenon related to embodied cognition. You might have heard of the classic “power pose” concept (standing like Superman/Wonder Woman for two minutes). While the science on power posing specifically has been debated, the underlying idea has merit: adopting an open, strong posture can reduce stress and prime you to feel more confident. The reverse is certainly true – curling up small and closed-off tends to reinforce feelings of insecurity. So, consciously adjusting your external presence can feed back into your internal state.

Actionable Advice: To develop your executive presence, try these coaching tips:

•Solicit feedback on your presence: Ask a few colleagues or mentors, “How do I come across in meetings or presentations? Is there anything I do (or don’t do) that undermines the message?” You might learn, for example, that you fidget, or that you tend to over-explain and lose people. This kind of 360-feedback is a starting point for improvement.

•Practice “power body language”: The next time you are heading into a high-pressure meeting, spend a minute to straighten your posture, roll your shoulders back, and lift your chin to a level position. When you sit or stand, imagine a string pulling you up from the crown of your head. On Zoom, this might mean not slumping into your chair. These adjustments not only make you look more confident, they help you feel it. Similarly, make a conscious effort to maintain comfortable eye contact when speaking. If this is hard, practice by holding eye contact a beat longer than usual in everyday conversations.

•Slow down and use your voice: Pay attention to your pace and volume. Nerves often make us talk fast or in a higher pitch. Try pausing to breathe at natural intervals. It might feel agonizingly slow to you, but it likely sounds just right to listeners. Recording yourself (audio or video) practicing a key speech or on a call can be illuminating. Note if you say a lot of fillers (“um, you know”) – work on pausing instead of filling silence. A clear, steady voice exudes confidence. If you find your voice shakes, some coaching interventions include breathing techniques or even theater exercises to strengthen vocal delivery.

•Lead with intent: In any interaction, know the main point you want to convey or the impression you want to leave, and let that guide your delivery. For instance, if you want to project decisiveness, state your recommendation or decision early on. If you want to show openness, prepare a couple of thoughtful questions to ask your team rather than doing all the talking. Being intentional in this way prevents you from rambling or appearing uncertain, which boosts how others see you and how you see yourself.

•Mind the wardrobe (within reason): Appearance is not about expensive suits or a particular style, but about appropriateness and confidence. Wear things that make you feel comfortable and confident, so your mind isn’t distracted by self-consciousness about how you look. As one CEO client realized, simply getting a proper fitting for his shirts and choosing colors that suited him improved his self-image walking into meetings. It’s a small piece of the puzzle, but every bit helps if it contributes to you feeling “I belong here.”

The ultimate measure of executive presence is when people describe you as someone who “has gravitas”, “instills confidence”, or “owns the room without sucking the air out of it.” It’s a balance of confidence and approachability. Developing it is absolutely achievable – many of these behaviors can be learned with deliberate effort. In coaching sessions at Tandem Coaching, we often incorporate real-world simulations (like practicing a tough Q&A session that you fear) and targeted exercises to hone presence. Over time, those coached behaviors become second nature. And here’s a bonus: as your external presence becomes stronger, it often feeds back into your internal self-esteem, creating a reinforcing loop. You begin to see yourself as the confident leader you appear to be, and that genuine self-belief then further amplifies your presence. That’s the sweet spot we’re aiming for.

4. Staying Confident Under Pressure: Resilience and Self-Compassion

Leadership isn’t a stroll in the park – it’s more like a series of sprints and the occasional marathon through unpredictable terrain. There will be crises: a major client departs, a product fails, a pandemic hits (as we all learned). High-pressure situations truly test an executive’s confidence and self-esteem. It’s easy to feel confident when things are going well; the real challenge is maintaining your self-assurance and clear-headedness when the heat is on. This is where resilience comes into play – the ability to bounce back and remain effective amid stress. And interestingly, one of the secret ingredients of resilience is a form of self-esteem: self-compassion.

Insight: Staying confident under pressure doesn’t mean never feeling anxiety or fear; it means acknowledging those feelings and still moving forward decisively. A trap leaders sometimes fall into is equating confidence with invulnerability. They think they must hide or suppress any sign of doubt or stress. In reality, trying to be invulnerable often backfires – it can make you rigid, or lead to burnout. Counterintuitively, allowing yourself a bit of self-compassion in tough moments can fortify your confidence. Self-compassion is simply treating yourself with understanding and care in the face of difficulties, rather than with harsh self-judgment. For example, instead of berating yourself for not having predicted a market shift, a self-compassionate mindset would be: “This is a really tough situation. Lots of smart people didn’t see it coming. What matters is what I do next.” By not wasting energy on self-blame, you conserve your strength to solve the problem. And by acknowledging the difficulty, you actually bolster your inner resolve – it’s okay that it’s hard; you can handle hard things.

Another key factor under pressure is remembering past victories. High-pressure stakes can cause a form of temporary amnesia where you forget that you’ve overcome challenges before. A coach will often remind you, “What hard things have you tackled successfully in the past? Let’s draw lessons from those.” Reconnecting with your own track record can instill confidence that “if I managed that, I can manage this too.” This is supported by the famous Eleanor Roosevelt quote: “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” Each time you face a fear and come out the other side, you build a reservoir of resilience for the next time.

Executive Example: Imagine a director of engineering, Nina, who must announce a significant project delay to the executive team and customers. She’s expecting anger, disappointment – potentially a career-damaging moment. Her stress is through the roof, and part of her wants to either go into defensive overdrive (and perhaps blame her team), or shrink and apologize profusely (taking all the blame herself). We worked together just before this announcement. The coaching focused on grounding techniques and perspective: First, we practiced a short centering exercise – deep breathing, planting her feet on the floor, and recalling her core values as a leader (integrity, accountability, solution-focus). This helped shift her from panic to purpose. Next, we reframed the situation: yes, it was bad, but it was also an opportunity to demonstrate leadership under pressure. Nina prepared talking points that were factual and owned the issue without self-flagellation. She included a clear recovery plan. Importantly, we also discussed mindset – Nina decided she would treat herself kindly after the announcement, regardless of outcome, recognizing that facing the firing squad itself was an act of courage. She went into the meeting calmer and more confident in her plan. When tough questions came, she didn’t crumble; she referenced the plan and prior successes of her team to handle challenges. The result? While no one was happy about the delay, her composed and accountable demeanor maintained their trust. In the debrief, the CTO told her, “This was a difficult situation, but you handled it with confidence and clarity.” By preparing her mindset and response, Nina preserved her self-esteem (and likely her project). The crisis became a confidence-building experience rather than a confidence-shattering one.

Relevant Research: High-pressure performance has been studied extensively in fields like sports psychology and military leadership, and many findings apply to executives. One such insight is the value of visualization – mentally rehearsing a successful performance under pressure. Coaches sometimes guide leaders through visualizing a challenging upcoming scenario, step by step, while in a calm state. This primes your brain to feel more in control during the actual event, having “seen” it before. Another researched technique is creating a personal mantra or affirmation that you use in moments of intense stress. This isn’t the cheesy “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough” from old SNL skits – it should be a phrase that genuinely resonates and recenters you. For instance, an executive I know repeats to herself, “Stay grounded. You know your stuff. Focus on service,” before big media interviews. It’s short, authentic, and reminds her of her capability and purpose. This ties into self-esteem by reinforcing a positive but realistic self-perception (“you know your stuff”) exactly when she needs it most.

Also, let’s talk about mistakes under pressure. In the thick of a crisis, even excellent leaders will make some missteps. What then? Here’s where maintaining confidence means owning the mistake, but not globalizing it. A mistake is something you did, not who you are. High self-esteem leaders separate the two. They’ll say, “That decision didn’t pan out. I’ll correct it,” instead of “I’m a terrible leader.” This healthy self-distancing from mistakes is actually correlated with better performance post-failure, because you spend less time in a shame spiral and more time learning and adapting. It circles back to the Peter McIntyre idea – confidence comes from not fearing to be wrong. If you’re not afraid of being wrong, you’ll act. If it turns out wrong, you’ll adjust and try again, without collapsing. That persistent action is what often leads to eventual success, even in chaos.

Actionable Advice: Here are some practical methods to bolster your confidence when you’re under the gun:

•Have a pre-game routine for stressful events: Just like athletes have a warm-up, have a go-to routine before a high-pressure meeting, speech, or negotiation. For example: find a private space, do two minutes of deep breathing or power posing, review a notecard of key points or personal affirmations, and recall one instance where you handled a tough situation well. This ritual signals your brain that you’re prepared and capable. It might include listening to a specific pump-up song or taking a brisk walk to shake off nerves – whatever gets you into a confident state.

•Use “self-talk” on the spot: Earlier we discussed reframing inner dialogue – this is especially critical in real time under pressure. When that voice of panic rises (“This is falling apart!”), respond internally with a coaching voice: “I’ve got this. What’s the next best move right now?” By giving yourself that mental encouragement or instruction, you prevent a spiral and focus on action. Some executives even use third-person self-talk in heat-of-moment: e.g., mentally addressing themselves by name (“OK John, stay calm and address the main issue first”). It might sound odd, but research suggests it can reduce stress and improve performance .

•Practice self-compassion, not self-pity: If things do go wrong or you face harsh criticism, resist the urge to beat yourself up. Instead, imagine what you’d say to a fellow executive in the same situation – you’d likely be understanding but constructive. Say that to yourself. For example, “This quarter was tough. Anyone would feel disappointed. Let’s figure out a recovery plan.” This keeps your self-esteem intact and mindset solution-oriented. (It’s worth noting that self-compassion is linked to resilience; studies find people who treat themselves kindly during setbacks tend to bounce back faster.)

•Debrief and learn (then move on): After a high-pressure event, take time to debrief: What went well? What didn’t? What can you learn? Write it down or talk it out with a coach or colleague. Extract the lessons and then consciously let the rest go. Ruminating endlessly will only chip away at your confidence for next time. Instead, focus on the improvements and file away the experience as another leadership story you survived. Each “battle scar” can actually boost your leadership presence and confidence – you’ve been through the fire and emerged stronger.

In summary, confidence under pressure comes from preparation (so you feel ready), mindset (so you stay steady), and recovery (so you keep perspective). Executive coaching often plays a vital role here by simulating high-pressure scenarios and coaching leaders on how to handle them, as well as providing that sounding board for after-action processing. Many leaders at Tandem Coaching, for instance, have found that just knowing they have a coach in their corner makes them feel more confident facing tough challenges – it’s like having a safety net, which paradoxically makes you more daring and resilient. With these tools and supports, pressure can become something you manage and even embrace, rather than something that breaks you or your self-esteem.

5. How Coaching Boosts Confidence: The Power of an Outside Perspective

We’ve touched on how coaching techniques apply to specific challenges like self-talk, imposter syndrome, presence, and resilience. Let’s zoom out and examine why coaching is such a catalyst for confidence and self-esteem in executives. After all, highly accomplished leaders are not lacking in intelligence or knowledge – so what unique value does an executive coach provide in the realm of confidence-building that you can’t get on your own?

Insight: Coaching provides a structured, supportive environment to reinvent your internal narrative and habits. It’s hard to change deeply ingrained thought patterns or behaviors in isolation. We all have blind spots – you might not realize that you come off as aloof in meetings, or that your tendency to defer credit is actually diminishing your perceived impact. A coach serves as an objective mirror, reflecting these blind spots back to you in a constructive way. For example, a coach might observe, “I noticed you apologized three times in the first ten minutes of the meeting – what was behind that?” That gentle call-out raises your awareness of a confidence-sabotaging habit you never noticed before. Once you’re aware, you can work on it. Additionally, coaching offers accountability. It’s one thing to decide, “I’ll speak up more in exec meetings”; it’s another to report back to someone on how you actually did. Knowing you’ll be debriefing with your coach can push you to practice the new behaviors that build confidence (even when it’s uncomfortable at first).

Another huge benefit is the psychological safety of the coaching relationship. Executives often feel they have to have all the answers and can’t openly discuss their insecurities with colleagues or boards. But with a coach, you have a confidential sounding board where you can be vulnerable without consequence. This alone is relief – it allows you to externalize fears and doubts that would otherwise fester internally. Often, when a leader finally voices, “I worry I’m not cut out for this,” and the coach listens without judgment and then challenges that belief, it loses a lot of its power. The coach might say, “What evidence do you have that you’re not cut out for it?” and then, “What evidence is there that you are?” This kind of dialogue systematically builds a more balanced and positive self-assessment in the client’s mind. Over time, the leader starts internalizing the coach’s balanced perspective, learning to coach themselves – which is the ultimate goal.

The Coaching Process in Action: Let’s illustrate with a brief story of an executive, Maria, a COO who sought coaching because she was having trouble asserting herself alongside a very dominant CEO. In initial sessions, it emerged that Maria’s self-esteem had taken a hit from frequent clashes with the CEO; she felt intimidated and had begun doubting her own judgment. The coaching process with Tandem Coaching followed a pattern common to many confidence-building journeys:

1.Awareness: Through guided reflection, Maria realized that she had developed a narrative that “I’m bad at confrontation” and that conflict with the CEO meant she was failing. This was the first breakthrough – seeing the negative story she was telling herself.

2.Challenge & Reframe: The coach questioned that narrative. Was Maria truly “bad” at confrontation, or was it that she had a different communication style? They identified instances where Maria effectively stood her ground (e.g., with vendors or her own team), proving she could handle conflict. The story reframed to: “I have the ability to handle tough conversations; I just need a strategy to do it with my CEO.”

3.Skill-building: They then worked on strategies – literally scripting and role-playing a difficult conversation with the CEO. Maria practiced speaking firmly, using “I” statements and not backing down when interrupted. The coach provided feedback and tweaks (e.g., “If he cuts you off, calmly say, ‘One moment please – I’d like to finish this thought.’”). Practicing in a safe space built Maria’s confidence to execute in the real situation.

4.Action & Accountability: Maria had the real conversation, with the coach “on call” afterwards to debrief. It went well – not magically perfect, but she held her own and felt proud. In the debrief, they celebrated what she did right and discussed what to improve next time. The coach also kept her accountable to not revert back; each executive team meeting became an opportunity to exercise her new assertiveness muscle, and she would report back on progress.

5.Sustaining: Over a few months, these coaching interventions significantly elevated Maria’s confidence. The CEO even began to treat her more like a true partner – likely because he sensed her increased self-assurance. To sustain it, the coach helped Maria develop a few routines: a pre-meeting mindset reset (reminding herself “I’m the expert on operations, and it’s okay to push back for what I believe is right”) and a post-meeting journal to reinforce successes. Eventually, Maria didn’t need the coach to hold her accountable; she had integrated these practices herself.

Relevant Research & Outcomes: The tangible outcomes of coaching on confidence have been documented. The ICF and other organizations routinely survey coaching clients. Consistently, 70-80% report improved self-confidence as a direct result of coaching . Additionally, organizations see the ripple effects: more confident leaders make decisions faster and inspire their teams, leading to better overall performance. One report by a leadership consulting firm found that 87% of executives believe coaching has improved their own performance and effectiveness on the job . It’s not hard to see why: coaching aligns your mindset with your skillset, removing internal barriers so your abilities can shine. It’s akin to a professional athlete working with a sports psychologist to get out of their own way and perform at their peak.

Moreover, coaching introduces tools and frameworks that stay with you for life. For example, many leaders learn techniques like the “Gremlin Taming” (a fun term some coaches use for handling that inner critic gremlin) or the STAR method for reflecting on successes (Situation, Task, Action, Result) to continuously remind themselves of their efficacy. These become part of your leadership toolkit. At Tandem Coaching, we emphasize making these tools second nature, so even after a coaching engagement ends, the leader continues to coach themselves forward.

Actionable Advice: If you’re considering boosting your confidence through coaching or even self-coaching, here are a few parting tips:

•Find the right coach or approach: Look for a coach who understands the high-pressure executive environment and with whom you feel comfortable sharing openly. Chemistry matters. Many coaches offer a consultation – use that to gauge if they ask insightful questions and make you feel at ease. If formal coaching isn’t accessible, consider a trusted peer group or mentor as a quasi-coaching circle, where you can discuss challenges and hold each other accountable.

•Set specific confidence goals: Vague goal: “feel more confident.” Specific goal: “Speak up with at least one strategic point in every executive committee meeting this quarter.” Coaches love to help translate soft aspirations into concrete behaviors. By setting specific goals, you can practice and measure progress, which in turn boosts confidence as you see yourself improving.

•Do the homework: Coaching often comes with “homework” – reflective exercises, new behaviors to try, etc. Embrace these fully. They are designed to stretch you slightly outside your comfort zone (where growth happens) and create new habits. The more earnestly you try them, the more you’ll get out of it. For instance, if your coach suggests you reach out to three colleagues for feedback, do it – you might be pleasantly surprised at the confidence boosts that come from the positive things you’ll hear (and even the constructive pointers give you direction, which builds confidence in your ability to grow).

•Celebrate wins, however small: Confidence is built brick by brick. Maybe you only managed to quiet your inner critic once today, or you pushed back on an unrealistic deadline instead of silently resenting it. That’s a win. A coach will often remind you to acknowledge these micro-victories. You can do the same for yourself. It reinforces the new, confident behaviors you’re developing.

•Remember it’s a journey: Boosting self-esteem isn’t an overnight flip of a switch; it’s more like a spiral staircase – you might revisit similar issues at new levels as you advance in your career. Don’t be discouraged by the process. Each step up that staircase gives you a broader perspective and greater ease. And even the most confident-looking leaders are still human; they have their moments of doubt, but they’ve learned to manage them. With coaching and intentional practice, so will you.

By now, it should be clear that investing in your confidence and self-esteem has a profound payoff. It’s not about vanity or ego – it’s about unlocking your full leadership potential. When you believe in yourself (with reason and realism), you communicate better, you take smarter risks, you empower those around you, and you handle storms without capsizing. Executive coaching is one of the most effective ways to accelerate that growth. In the words of a wise coach: “Confidence is contagious; so is lack of confidence.” By boosting your own, you’re actually shaping a more confident, high-performing culture around you.

In Conclusion: Confidence and self-esteem are the quiet engines behind great leadership. As a seasoned executive coach, I’ve seen clients go from hesitant to decisive, from self-critical to self-assured – not by changing who they are, but by realizing who they are and owning it fully. The journey involves reframing your inner dialogue, shedding the impostor fears, projecting your best self with presence, and staying resilient when pressure mounts. It’s a journey well worth taking, because it enables you to lead not with ego, but with authentic confidence and clarity.

Reflect on your own leadership now: What would a 10% boost in your confidence enable you to do? Speak up for a game-changing idea? Pivot your company through uncertainty? Mentor others with more conviction? The effects ripple outward. If you feel that you’ve been holding yourself back, consider enlisting an outside perspective to help you break through. Sometimes the gap between where you are and where you want to be is just a few enlightening conversations and habit tweaks away. Whether through a formal program like Tandem Coaching services or a trusted advisor, don’t hesitate to seek that supportive mirror. An investment in yourself is the best investment you can make – because when you grow, your whole organization can grow with you.

In the end, leadership is an inside job. Cultivate that strong core of confidence, and you’ll find there’s little that can shake you. Ready to begin? The next level of your leadership might just be on the other side of a coaching conversation.