Sitting with
Feelings

ADHD Executive Function Tools

A six-step process for staying present with uncomfortable emotions
instead of overriding them.

Why This Matters

Uncomfortable emotions produce a specific problem for the ADHD brain: urgency. Not the emotion itself, but the pressure to do something about it immediately - fix it, distract from it, reframe it into something more manageable. The result is the same whether the feeling is anger, fear, or sadness. You move before you understand what you are moving away from.

This creates a pattern that shows up in coaching sessions repeatedly. A leader describes a conflict, a disappointment, or a moment of self-doubt, and then immediately pivots to the action plan. The feeling gets about three seconds of airtime before the problem-solving machinery takes over. The action plan is often good. But it was built on top of an unexamined emotion, which means it solves the wrong layer of the problem.

The six steps on the following page are sequenced to interrupt that pattern at the point where it usually breaks down - the gap between noticing you feel something and doing something about it.

How to Use This Reference

  1. Read through all six steps once to understand the full sequence.
  2. When you notice emotional reactivity (the urge to act, distract, or shut down), return to Step 1 and work forward.
  3. Steps 4 and 5 are where most people bail. The physical sensation feels like a signal to act. It is not. It is information arriving.
  4. Keep this somewhere visible - on your desk, in your notebook, on your phone - so you can reach it in the moment, not after.
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The Six Steps

  1. 1

    Acknowledge

    Emotions can be difficult to identify, especially after years of overriding them. The first step is recognizing that you are feeling something. Not naming it yet. Just registering that your internal state has shifted. Pause and notice that something feels different, even if you cannot say what it is.

  2. 2

    Identify

    Try to name what you are feeling. This is harder than it sounds. Surface-level emotions often mask deeper ones - anger frequently sits on top of fear or loneliness, which are harder to admit. If you are stuck, try completing the sentence "I feel ___" with a single word. A feelings wheel can help if the vocabulary does not come easily.

  3. 3

    Resist Labeling It as Bad

    The instinct is to sort emotions into good and bad. Discomfort gets filed under bad, which triggers the urge to eliminate it. Treat emotions as data instead. What might this feeling be signaling? Discomfort often precedes growth, self-understanding, or insight - not because it is pleasant, but because it means something is unresolved and worth examining.

  4. 4

    Locate It in Your Body

    Your body registers emotions before your mind interprets them. Notice the physical sensation: tightness in the chest, a knot in the stomach, heat in the face, tension in the shoulders, a racing heartbeat. Stay curious about the sensation rather than analyzing what it means. The location and quality of the sensation carry information that the cognitive label misses.

  5. 5

    Breathe

    This is the "sitting" part. Resist the urge to change the feeling, make it disappear, or argue yourself out of it. Breathe and keep your attention on the physical sensation from Step 4. You may notice the sensation shifts, moves, or reveals another feeling underneath it. Emotions that are allowed to arrive without interference typically peak and begin to fade within about 90 seconds. The ADHD impulse to act will be loudest during this window. Let it pass.

  6. 6

    Practice Self-Compassion

    Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you respect who is having a hard day - direct, not dismissive. "This is difficult and I can handle it" rather than "I shouldn't be feeling this." Processing emotions is a skill that improves with repetition, not a personality trait you either have or lack.

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Before Your Next Session

Reflection questions to bring into coaching.

Reflection Prompt 1

Think about the last time you felt a strong emotion at work and moved straight to action. If you had paused at Step 4 - located it in your body and stayed there for 90 seconds - what might you have noticed about the feeling that the action plan bypassed?

Reflection Prompt 2

Which of the six steps is the one you are most likely to skip? That step is where your version of this practice begins.

Your Notes
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