Self-Compassion
Practice

MINDSET & GROWTH TOOLS

Separate who you are from what you did — and find more room to grow from both.

Where This Tool Helps

Most people conflate the two things this tool separates. When something goes wrong, the internal move is often to conclude something about yourself as a person — "I'm careless," "I'm not good enough at this," "I always do this." That global judgment shuts down learning. If the mistake means something is fundamentally wrong with you, there is nowhere useful to go with it.

This worksheet works on a specific distinction: evaluating behavior is useful, evaluating yourself as a person is not. Behavior can be changed. Character verdicts just accumulate. The difference between "that decision was poor" and "I am a poor decision-maker" sounds semantic — but it changes what you do next. The first opens a path. The second closes one.

Where most people stall is in Step 2 — writing down the actual self-judgment. It feels harsh to put on paper. But naming it is the point. You cannot shift what you refuse to see.

The steps below guide you through the distinction deliberately, in writing, so you can examine it rather than just live inside it.

How to Use This Worksheet

  1. Choose one specific incident. A recent mistake, a moment you have been replaying, or a failure that still carries charge. Vague regret does not work as well as a specific event.
  2. Write the self-judgment first, exactly as it sounds in your head. The more honest, the more useful. You do not have to be fair to yourself in Step 2 — that is what Step 3 is for.
  3. Evaluate the behavior separately. What was the actual action or decision? What would you say about that specific behavior to someone else in the same situation?
  4. Complete a row for each incident. You can use the same table for multiple situations, or return to it across sessions.
  5. Sit with the reflection questions. The table is the diagnostic. The questions are where the insight usually lands.
1

Self-Compassion Practice

Step 1: Describe the past mistake or failure briefly.    Step 2: Write your evaluation of yourself as a person.    Step 3: Write your evaluation of the specific behavior only.

Past Mistake or Failure Evaluation of Self (Step 2) Evaluation of Behavior (Step 3)

Step 4: Reflection

How does it feel to separate your evaluation of yourself from your evaluation of your behavior?

Which evaluation — of yourself or of the behavior — felt more accurate? What does that tell you?

How might you apply this distinction the next time a mistake occurs?

2

Before Your Next Session

One more thing to sit with:

Look at the "Evaluation of Self" column. Pick the harshest entry. Would you say that to a colleague who made the same mistake?

If not — what would you actually say to them instead, and what does that tell you about the standard you are holding for yourself?

3

Tandem Coaching Partners

Credentialed coaches with real-world leadership experience,
partnering with executives and organizations
to unlock sustainable growth.

Consultation

tandemcoach.co/
contact-us

Email

info@tandemcoach.co

Phone

855 51 COACH

Challenge your thinking.
Discover your capabilities.
Act on them.

Dallas, TX  |  Houston, TX  |  Worldwide Virtual