DBT FAST
Skill

THERAPEUTIC SUPPORT TOOLS

A framework for maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions —
knowing what you stand for and not trading it away.

Where This Tool Helps

There is a specific kind of regret that follows certain conversations: not what happened, but who you were during it. You agreed to something you didn’t want. You apologized for a need that was entirely reasonable. You softened a position until it disappeared. The other person got what they wanted, the relationship survived, and you left feeling like you abandoned yourself.

FAST is built for exactly that pattern. The four elements address the most common ways people erode their own self-respect during conflict or negotiation: being unfair to themselves, over-apologizing as a social habit, trading values for approval, and misrepresenting the truth to smooth things over. None of these strategies work over time — they produce compliance that breeds resentment.

The worksheet that follows asks you to work through a real situation before it happens. The goal is not to make you more rigid — it is to make you clearer about where the line actually is so you don’t need to locate it in real time under pressure.

The steps below are designed to surface what’s at stake for you specifically, before you’re in the room.

How to Use This Worksheet

  1. Name a specific situation where you’ve noticed yourself over-apologizing, backing down on something important, or misrepresenting your position.
  2. Work through each letter honestly. The F and T steps in particular tend to surface things people have been avoiding.
  3. Write before you judge. If an apology feels reflexive but you’re not sure if it’s warranted, write it down and examine it — don’t decide first.
  4. Use the “after” section. Reviewing what happened is where the learning sticks. What self-respect looked like in practice is often different from what you imagined.
  5. Bring this to coaching if you are in a pattern of repeating the same concession with the same person or in the same type of situation.
1

FAST Worksheet

The situation where I need to maintain my self-respect
F — Be Fair
Am I being fair to both myself and the other person? What does fairness actually require here?
A — No Apologies
What am I tempted to apologize for? Is it a genuine apology or a reflexive one? What is the difference here?
S — Stick to Your Values
What values are at stake? What would it cost me to compromise them here?
T — Be Truthful
What is the honest truth I need to say? What am I tempted to exaggerate, downplay, or avoid?
After the Interaction
How did you maintain or lose self-respect? What would you do differently?

Before Your Next Session

Which of the four elements was hardest to be honest about? What does that tell you about where self-respect is most at risk in this situation?

2

Tandem Coaching Partners

Credentialed coaches with real-world leadership experience,
partnering with executives and organizations
to unlock sustainable growth.

Consultation

tandemcoach.co/
contact-us

Email

info@tandemcoach.co

Phone

855 51 COACH

Challenge your thinking.
Discover your capabilities.
Act on them.

Dallas, TX  |  Houston, TX  |  Worldwide Virtual